AHHH! Censorship!

Kickball should be for good, clean fun (if slightly, happily intoxicated).

Brandon is the problem. I was just repeating what he said.

INAPPROPRIATE POSTINIG WARNING

By: Pat

THIS SPACE IS FOR CLEAN, FUN ENTERMAINMENT ONLY. THANKS.

To Brandon

Ball Movement presents here for the gentle reader's judgement some of the quotes and incidents from last night's contest. All quotes are attributed to one Brandon, We've Got the Runs' weak link and a fine kickball gentleman if there ever was one, unless otherwise noted.

"Fuck you."

"You're talking trash to the wrong fucking people!"

"I don't know you! I don't know you!"

"It's just rubber," shortly after a fine Hershey Squirt waited until 100 lb. Audrey was within range -- when he could have easily gotten the out by stepping on the bag -- and then fired away with the ball full blast at her chest from 10 feet away. She just asked him if that was really necessary.

"That's fucking bullshit. That's fucking bullshit."

"You guys are going to win," Ball Movement to The Shits after they started spazzing about "rounding first" or some other crap in the very first inning. Seriously, you don't have to get obsessed with technicalities to best the Movement at kickball.

"Why did he spill beer if he wasn't hit?" Complaining about missing a throw at Palmer as he headed for second, thinking that because some beer sloshed out of his cup it went without saying that the ball hit him.

"Because he was running with a beer," Ball Movement.

"Yeah, and he didn't get hit by the ball. He didn't get hit by the ball." After Ball Movement's MVP Laura caught yet another of Brandon's kicks and he went back to the bench to continue spazzing about Palmer being safe on second during the Movement's previous up.

"Brandon, you got beat bad by a girl," Ball Movement to Brandon as he wept on the bench after the play described above.

This seems like a good time to note that Brandon, oh, Brandon, never once got on bag. Flied out every up. Hmm...

"What's so fun about dropping balls?" After the Movement explained that we were out there primarily to have fun.

"What's so fun about being a dumbass?" Ball Movement.

"Oh fuck you, you ducked," after Jessop slid into second base and the throw narrowly missed his head. Not only was he purely safe, but some fine Squirt accused him of ducking so as to try to get hit in the head. I mean... wTF?

"What's the score?" The 5-1 'Runs inbetween innings as the 0-6 Movement nearly took the lead.

Brandon, it is well-established that there's nothing more unpleasant than an angry drunk. Last night we discovered that there is something uglier to behold: an angry *kickball* drunk.

Seriously: You. Are. A. Dick.

To the rest of the 'Runs... we had some issues, there was contention, to the extent that the Movement was responsible for any escalation: we apologize. It was good to see that most of you could let by-gones be ball-gones and do us the simple honor of shaking hands and giving us the old "good game" after it was all said-and-done while Butthead moped on the bench. Some of the guys that we weren't so sure about early in the game turned out to be decent dudes: joining us on the high road and mellowing it out a little. You might think about ditching your wristband-clad, 'roid-raging Barry Bonds wannabe.

And seriously, how goddamn hilarious is it that B-money didn't even get on base *once*? Hell... *I* got on base and that's rare. Even a really pleasant dark-haired 'Run chick who got on first said to me, "I never get on base!" Note: she was on base when she said that. But Brandon either choked from being such an asshole, or he just sucks! Oh, that shit is rich.

See you at the Credit Union, B...

---

This wouldn't be a Ball Movement write-up without a mention of the ump: you were pretty cool, man. You kept it level-headed and mellow through everything and made consistent, fair calls. Word!

Sara... Sara.... Sara....

Or is it "Sarah" with an "h?" Ah, who knows...

Thanks goes to the kickballers of Fowl Balls for a great game yesterday evening. Ball Movement thoroughly enjoyed the contest and wishes you well... even you, "Big Hat Guy."

And Neo: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

Seriously, that was an amazing catch at third.

Anyway, y'all gotta admit the Movement put up a hell of a fight, eh? We blame our loss on one thing and one thing only: the ump. If we coulda got a single fair call out of that "Cock" (as in the once-great Fightin' Cocks), we mighta stood a chance. His blindness toward our plight at first base was especially offensive.

Even with the heat and the ump-adversity, we had a lot of fun and ain't that what it's all about? Thanks for the memories, Fowlies.

Sara...

Pre-Dendum

*** Pre-dendum... ? ****

Forgive my beer-y eyes. I was almost positive Becca's ball went right past third, though the alcohol-induced double vision I was experiencing at that stage may have confused me. It must have passed in front of the real third, and gone past my hallucinated base. That one will have to go in disputed infamy, because plenty of us saw it roll right over third base, while the ref and most of Kick This, miles away, called it a bunt before it crossed the line, either in front of or behind third.

Ball Movement intentionally bunting???? Never. Let's hear a name or at least a cup size by way of description. If tried and convicted, such a player will be banned forever from the ranks of the Movement, or at least forced to bring beer for everyone next week.

Certainly most refs relay their interpretation of the rules, but I still think CSC could find the time to decree a little somethin' somethin' so we're at least playing the same game from week-to-week. If there isn't consistency, what's the point in even having a ref there?

The dude planting a foot and throwing shoulders and elbows on second was outta line. 'Nuff said. Wade's a lover, not a fighter.

Obviously, Kick This is a team that has fun playing. There were a few grumpy dudes who refused to even crack a smile for nine whole innings, but you guys are a blast to play and will always be considered amigos of the Movement. And yeah yeah, it's competitive. It's only competition that draws out the high level of play demonstrated by Ball Movement! But seriously, there's an A league and a B league this year, the discrepancy in numbers of teams in A and B sure says something... And one of those words starts with "sand" and ends with "bagging."

Lastly... sorry if the Movement came off overly-bitchy or harsh in that write-up. If I couldn't talk some totally biased smack in these recaps, what would I write about??? You should see some of the things that were written about the missing Fightin' Cocks and Bulldogz last summer! No offense intended toward the good folks of Kick This. Enjoy the rest of the season!

Bikinis, Bulges and Balls

Kick This: "Hey, at least you guys are having fun if you're not winning."
Ball Movement: "Hey, at least you guys are winning if you're not having any fun."

Ball Movement again took to the hallowed kickball grounds on Wednesday night, this time to go head-to-head with old friends Kick This. (It was from a team composed of many of the current members of Kick This that Ball Movement was forged some years ago.)

Showing their usual high level of comradery, members of the Movement arrived well-adorned for beach night. Some pre-game grilling and a refreshing dip in the swimming pool before the game, as well as some distinctly under-dressed male Ball Movers, set the tone for a raucous evening of kicking balls.

On a sidenote, be warned, kickballers... the po-po will sit in their car on the sidewalk at Longfellow (undoubtedly with the a/c running) for innings on end, just waiting for you to screw up and *mistakenly* retrieve a beer from your cooler. ("Shoot! Who put this in here? I must have grabbed the wrong cooler and left the one with all my Pepsi in at home!") No Ball Mover made such a mistake on Wednesday, but it could easily happen. Be careful out there, I don't think there's a kickball diamond at the detox center.

Anyway, on to the rundown... Things got off to an unpleasant start with the ref enforcing some obscure CSC kickball bylaw that says all players must wear a shirt. For two male players wearing a bikini top and nothing but a Speedo, respectively, this meant a return to the bench for a t-shirt. Completely disappointing. Let's just say things did not improve with ump-relations during the rest of the game. Message to CSC: We play kickball to have fun. It would be nice if the umps would

a) have some fun too
b) consistently enforce rules, both during the course of one game and the course of one season

Our ref last week was awesome. We :heart: that guy. Nonetheless, he did tell us right off the bat that he wouldn't be enforcing bunting rules. What?! "Bunting is for bitches" is nothing less than our mantra, our core ethic, the basis of our entire kickball value system. Anyway, whatever, that guy was still all right.

This week, our very own Becca moved a ball well PAST third base, slowly, but fair. It was only after the Kick This player at third decided not to field the kick that the ump called "bunt." WHAT?!

Of course, our buddies Kick This had so many half-hearted attempts of their own that it was suggested they should be renamed "Bunt This," but not a one of those was called as such.

But hey, it's just kickball, right? On with the recap.

Ball Movement looked great in the field on Wednesday. Finally. Making plays, showing that ol' timey hustle, throwing, catching and so forth. If only we could get some folks on home. The first few innings were pretty tight with nearly three-up, three-down innings from both benches. Like North Korean test missiles, Kick This's balls dropped again and again into the sea of our infield and the waiting arms of a Ball Mover. Or, like a certain sitting President, they blustered on despite plummeting poll numbers.

Around the middle of the game, some true colors emerged as our bikini-clad, base-running Wade was molested, and nearly knocked unconscious, by an overly-aggressive Kick This second baseman. Of course, old Reffie McGetsomeglassesforGod'ssake called the disoriented Wader Tot out. Hey, Mike Tyson: expect the bill for that concussion in the mail. You weren't throwing those elbows especially hard because you were confused about how the sight of Wade in a bikini made you feel, were you? Were you??

And so forth.

When all was said and done, Ball Movement maintained their perfect record and had a good time doing it. Kick This proved to be worthy adversaries, though a few of their members could benefit from reviewing the first two principles of CSC Summer Co-ed Kickball:

#1) It's just kickball.
#2) It's just kickball.

Almost done here, but I'm just not sure if I made my point regarding the refereering situation (or lack thereof) yet. We pay CSC Sports a tidy chunk of change to play kickball. CSC in turn pays some randoms $50 a night to referee kickball games. So far this year, we've played three games. The first game was prematurely aborted because we fell too far behind. Ball Movement don't care! Hell, those friendly chaps from BYOB even gave us some runs so we could keep playing. Nonetheless, we only got 5 innings out of that game. Boo. Following week: awesome, except for the "bunt all you want" declaration. This week, boo.

'Til next week, fans, friends and family.

***

Ball Movement again captured their performance on video. Check it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jypU2mDEi70

If that makes ya dizzy, there's also some still images here:

http://flickr.com/photos/the_dharma_bum/184069985/
http://flickr.com/photos/the_dharma_bum/184069956/
http://flickr.com/photos/the_dharma_bum/184069915/