To Brandon

Ball Movement presents here for the gentle reader's judgement some of the quotes and incidents from last night's contest. All quotes are attributed to one Brandon, We've Got the Runs' weak link and a fine kickball gentleman if there ever was one, unless otherwise noted.

"Fuck you."

"You're talking trash to the wrong fucking people!"

"I don't know you! I don't know you!"

"It's just rubber," shortly after a fine Hershey Squirt waited until 100 lb. Audrey was within range -- when he could have easily gotten the out by stepping on the bag -- and then fired away with the ball full blast at her chest from 10 feet away. She just asked him if that was really necessary.

"That's fucking bullshit. That's fucking bullshit."

"You guys are going to win," Ball Movement to The Shits after they started spazzing about "rounding first" or some other crap in the very first inning. Seriously, you don't have to get obsessed with technicalities to best the Movement at kickball.

"Why did he spill beer if he wasn't hit?" Complaining about missing a throw at Palmer as he headed for second, thinking that because some beer sloshed out of his cup it went without saying that the ball hit him.

"Because he was running with a beer," Ball Movement.

"Yeah, and he didn't get hit by the ball. He didn't get hit by the ball." After Ball Movement's MVP Laura caught yet another of Brandon's kicks and he went back to the bench to continue spazzing about Palmer being safe on second during the Movement's previous up.

"Brandon, you got beat bad by a girl," Ball Movement to Brandon as he wept on the bench after the play described above.

This seems like a good time to note that Brandon, oh, Brandon, never once got on bag. Flied out every up. Hmm...

"What's so fun about dropping balls?" After the Movement explained that we were out there primarily to have fun.

"What's so fun about being a dumbass?" Ball Movement.

"Oh fuck you, you ducked," after Jessop slid into second base and the throw narrowly missed his head. Not only was he purely safe, but some fine Squirt accused him of ducking so as to try to get hit in the head. I mean... wTF?

"What's the score?" The 5-1 'Runs inbetween innings as the 0-6 Movement nearly took the lead.

Brandon, it is well-established that there's nothing more unpleasant than an angry drunk. Last night we discovered that there is something uglier to behold: an angry *kickball* drunk.

Seriously: You. Are. A. Dick.

To the rest of the 'Runs... we had some issues, there was contention, to the extent that the Movement was responsible for any escalation: we apologize. It was good to see that most of you could let by-gones be ball-gones and do us the simple honor of shaking hands and giving us the old "good game" after it was all said-and-done while Butthead moped on the bench. Some of the guys that we weren't so sure about early in the game turned out to be decent dudes: joining us on the high road and mellowing it out a little. You might think about ditching your wristband-clad, 'roid-raging Barry Bonds wannabe.

And seriously, how goddamn hilarious is it that B-money didn't even get on base *once*? Hell... *I* got on base and that's rare. Even a really pleasant dark-haired 'Run chick who got on first said to me, "I never get on base!" Note: she was on base when she said that. But Brandon either choked from being such an asshole, or he just sucks! Oh, that shit is rich.

See you at the Credit Union, B...

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This wouldn't be a Ball Movement write-up without a mention of the ump: you were pretty cool, man. You kept it level-headed and mellow through everything and made consistent, fair calls. Word!